UNFINISHED PAGES

hmmm...what you don't know about yourself

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 03:59:42 GMT

"Oscar-Winning Actor Jack Palance Dies at 87"

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 18:02:02 GMT

"Jack Palance, the legendary character actor who received Oscar nominations for his villainous roles in Sudden Fear and Shane, and won an Oscar for his comedy role in City Slickers, died Friday of natural causes in California; he was 87."

the long awaited answer after a dramatic pause

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 21:28:21 GMT

as usual it has been a long time since i last posted my goings on, feelings, thoughts and nonsense here in the world of the interweb. at this time i am struggling with a nyt crossword and needed a break, since riccah's lap top is here and she is nowhere to be found (i'm eating all the cookies and drinking all the milk) i have commandeered it and will no update everyone on, well ME!

as Riccah posted she is moving out with yes a BOY, A GIANT BOY, named ME. no specific date has been set but it will be in the spring and things look like they will work out swimmingly. which leads me to something i don't think ive ever posted before (and who really wants to go back and check) Life is Great. Fact: bills are still getting me down, however my uncle is selling my car and this is something he knows very well. and as i have said once the car is gone my worries will go with it, erinn will get paid back, life will become more than just an endless stream of wonderment. But you must be sitting there wondering why "life is great", afterall i just admitted to having great debt, but who couldn't be happy knowing they will be waking up every morning next to the person they love sharing their life with that person. no more when am i going to see her, no more see you tomorrows, no more saying goodnight a the door before that lonely drive home. life is becoming simplier.
life is also great beacause yet again i am writing a play for the fringe. but not on my own, i have enlisted the help of fringe veteran and all around showman JOEL, to get me through. a wizard with comedic nonsense and hilarious results i'm sure joel (like brent last year) will help me ground my ideas and really create something worth inviting my family and friends to come see. this year will mark my first true attempt at directing (last year was just too hectic what with the lack of script), i will not be acting(this year will be different), unless needed. joel will be the actor, hopefully brent will be our number two man, and then the girl, the female charater, thats a little tricky, it'll take some effort to cast and though i know a girl that i'd love to cast whether she'll want to do it is another question, maybe i can just ask someone we rejected last year, or maybe joel knows someone, i guess we'll see. hey erinn want to help cast it again!?!
did i mention that when we move out we are getting a dog?
well we are, we're gonna buy a dog, it's gonna be great and you can all come and see him when we do.

do not worry about my roommates, i have figured out a few important things that will keep us connected.
1 there is a bus that goes from my new place to the old place almost directly,
2 you could actually walk in good time,
3 i am keeping my key,
4 their scrabble addiction will force them to remain friends with me so that i can continue to defeat them
5 joel and i are writing the play (joel is a roommate for the uninformed)
6 rory joel and i will make a movie someday and it will be great
7 miah is in love with me
8 threats, if they don't let me remain their friend BAD things WILL happen.

okay so anywaylife is good things are turning around i'm making big life changes and decisions and i have everything i have ever wanted.

have fun all.
catch you on the flip side.
seb

so long since i wrote to myself

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 22:14:07 GMT

so me and erica are thinking about moving to hawaii. i mean i could receive stuff there and write books/plays/whatever, and erica could work at a library (they have libraries, right?) and she could take more school and fully realise her super genius status. plus it's hot there and sunny and it rains but i wouldn't have to deal with snow or blizzards. and though erica thinks it's funny i could learn how to surf, yeah i can't ride a bike but i could surf, maybe.

erica made fun of the abe beard i am trying to gow, it's not my fault i have the facial hair growth of a 6 year old. booo, i want a big scruffy beard.

nobody wants my car, just stupid companies that only want my money so they can pretend to sell it for me. boo

i am wearing devil horns because i am scary. or because i want to be an evil genius or the leader of an underworld that is torturous and nobody wants to visit.

what does it mean when the world is upside down and the sun is shining through the cracks in the cement while you're skipping towards a pool of dripping water by a tree with yellow leaves.

i have return-ed.

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 02:23:47 GMT

hello friends of the interweb, and roommates,

so i am now typing away on erica's new laptop, woowoo. we just got back from our vacation in them there united states of america. for those not in the loop we went to stpaul minnesota for four days three nights, so that we could jaunt over to somerset wisconsin to check out a rock show by famed musician and all around cool cat, jack johnson. the show was great and i finally got to meet the famed cody of folk fest fame, what a great guy. cody gave us a tour of st.paul and drove us to the concert so that we wouldn't get lost. we stayed at a hotel in the midway (yes midway, right between st.paul and minneapolis, good times). we swam and ate and walked and saw many things it was good. plus i got to hang out with erica for 4 full days no interruptions, woowoo. so yes great time was had driving was fun, even the interstate. i suggest a road trip down that way for everyone.

in other news i start school and am very excited, i am gonna start receiving full time at mcnally's, no more sucker magazine shifts for me.

adios for now.
sebbers

subject: loneliness

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 18:16:16 GMT

is it weird that i feel lonely because my girlfriend of 2 months is gone to folkfest for five days? Because really when you think about it i haven't been with her that long it should be easy to find things to occupy my time. still i can forget her long enough not to miss her. it's like i am counting down the seconds until she returns. somehow this seems ridiculous though, i mean it's really sweet that i miss her and i am happy that i do but it worries me that it can be this hard to have her be gone for 5 days.

sorry just had to get that out. i'll be fine the room mates that are still around are keeping me busy and i'm sure she's having a blast. anyway, i've got to go rehearse, check you later kids.

who am i and what am i doing here?

Fri, 27 May 2005 22:22:17 GMT

so there's been a lot of talk all around me lately about all sorts of things. congratulations on new jobs and plays and getting out of old jobs and getting an awesome venue and all that stuff but whenever i find myself receiving any accolades (i can't spell this word) i start to think about the things that i have that i feel i don't deserve. i consider myself the luckiest man on earth for all i have, great friends, great new job, nice, car, great house, an amazing family, and who could forget the amazing girlfriend. but what have i done to deserve these things. absolutely nothing. i ignore my family i'm never at my house i'm selling my car, the job is a job and not a career as far as i can see, and i treat the girl poorly because i've never felt this way before and had the same thing returned, i can't deal with it and i'm freaking out and pushing her away. obviously i know you are gonna read this babe, but i have top get it out of my head. i deal with a lot of weird shit when it comes to my relationships with people. i'm bad at keeping in touch and worse at being close. i'm needy and selfish and i'm good at manipulating people to the point where they just accept it. i feel like i'm negectful and i fel like i'm an asshole. i love the things i have and the people around me but i'm constantly worried about losing them because, let's face it, it could happen especially if i am all the things i think i am.
anyway this is just another seb moment, i'll never be happy no matter what i have, what an asshole.

ugh

Mon, 23 May 2005 23:47:00 GMT

so for those not present this morning, i am really bad at drinking. last night i drank way too much way too fast and on an empty stomach too.
to those of you who helped me this morning, thanks a lot, i really appreciate it. to erica i send my apology, didn't mean to yell or be a jerk. just didn't feel good.
anyway i have more sleeping and eating to do. check you later folks.

here's the thing

Fri, 20 May 2005 20:03:43 GMT

so you have this friend who has an awful day and then you go and get mixed up in your own nightmare that lasts all of 10 minutes and decide that the only person in the world you can call to bitch about your shit is the friend with the shitty day. then after making her feel shittier and realizing that you got caught up in your own shit and did make her feel shittier you come up with the dumb idea of not eating all day and being a grump asshole when you finally see her so that it seems like you don't even care. not only that but you become dazed and distant can't explain yourself and become afraid that somehow you are going to hurt everyone around you with the use of even one wrong word so you say nothing. you sit and become quiet even though you have a miilion things you'd like to say you become that person that you know you are sometimes where everything sits inside because you know you have it great and you're just trying to make things up so that you can also fit into the crappy life shitty day category. either way you start to ignore the little things that you are normally so good at remembering you start to drift off into a land of selfishness and individuality and you develop a complex where in you believe that nothing you do can ever satisfy the peopl you are with friendship or otherwise and that you are a let down. you drink ice water to ease the pain, maybe freeze your heart so you can't feel anything or your brain so that thinking about it just isn't possible. you put on a sad cd and think about how you can be so emotional inside but when it comes time to let that out you can do nothing but feel sorry for yourself and push that uncomfortable frustration out on everyone else in rage. you get confused and worried and you just want everything to be easy again like it was when you played all day long and the only time you thought about anything was when you were hungry or broke something and needed to think up a good scheme to get out of it. what happened to you that made you so internally directed. what appened in your childhood that made you into this introverted emotionally stunted jackass. why can you tell a perfect stranger how you feel but not the people you love. why can you think so many wondeful things but not say them out loud for fear they will come off as contrived and ridiculous.

"hey mister didn't mean to be so stupid. and i confess, i stole your heart from your chest. yeah and if, yeah, and if i had the chance, i'd put it back somehow. yeah i'd do it."

"hey mrs can i call when i'm away, i know that you don't mind, but i'm asking anyway, yeah and if i, yeah and if i had to light myself on fire, i'd do it, yeah i'd do it, yeah i'd do it for you."

"here i sit, here i stay, this lonelyness is eating me away, this lonelyness is eating me, it's forcing me it's feeding me, this lonelyness is eating me away."

so anyway a diatribe about my life masked in some ridiculous hypothetical is the dumbest idea because it's not exactly coy in anyway. (ha ha ha i almost wrote cod.) so yeah, i am an internal mess like usual but i'm tough and i can make it through and though i'm adverse to speaking publically about my issues i will say that the people around me are an asset in getting through this shit and i may just cry on your shoulders for awhile till i figure myself out.

um, gumdrops and lollipops rainbows sunshine and a zebra.

a triumphant return

Tue, 17 May 2005 21:49:30 GMT

So i'm n a position i never wanted to be in but i like it this time around. in the past it has always been a burden to be where i am and do wha i'm doing but right now it seems simple, it seems easy, like i don't have to work at it at all and isn't that what this is supposed to be like. at least some of the time. at the beginning right, it's supposed to be effortless and it's not until later that you have to work, if at all. whatever the case i'm not worried about it, i'm not afraid of it i'm just so in the moment right now more than i ever have been before.

so after the babble comes the post.
so i haven't been here for like a week or so, and it's funny how so little has changed. it appears that we don't do much posting when erinn and brent aren't posting but maybe i'm wrong. either way here's what i did in the last week.

found my smile and my happiness.
went to three job interviews.
got one job and am on the line for two others.
watched spanglish and decided if nothing else that i should be the head of some film companies ad agency so that films are never so poorly or misleadingly advertised ever again.
learned a bunch of new stuff.
bought a book.
borrowed a book from the winnipeg library system.
started yet another edit of the play.
decided that I, more than anything want to do this play and pursue writing and acting and directing as a career,
found myself.
realised that i'm much simpler than i thought i am.
realised Erica is really smart (not just flattery, talk to her, you'll see)
got really sick.
found shit floating in the toilet bowl three days in a row, when no one was home.
did the biggest load of dishes i have ever seen. and did them hard. bon appetit.
got another person to watch west wing with me.
decided official that my first paycheque from the new job will go into buying fish and some sort of entertainment unit as well as a new atx power supply for my computer.
ummm, there is more but since i am slow and ridiculous sick and distracted i will leave it at this.

"keeping quiet is hard, cause you can't keep a secret, if it never was a secret to start"
this is a quote from a song i just listened to, i could check who by and what it's called but i don't care and i'm sure someone will tell me. either way i heard it and it stuck with me. seems reflective of my life sometimes. maybe i'm dumb.

movies have vastly effected my life in too many ways to count and for some reason this is good and bad at the same time.

i just want to believe, i just want to b-leed, i just want to be, leave.

love seb.
yes love.

Tue, 10 May 2005 23:28:51 GMT

okay so most people know that after my shitty few days and my wonderful weekend, life has been picking up. i had a job interview last week i have two more this week. the play is basically done and we almost have a full cast. hooray for talented roommates saving the day. i have arranged to create a documentary of the play with Roommate #3, Joel, who will either film things or lend me his camera to film them and then help us edit them later. hopefully we will also be able to tape a few performances and get some good audio recording so we can do a film version of that too, put together a kick ass dvd of somesort. i am very excited. acting directing writing, life is kicking into gear.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou:

greatest film i have seen in a long time. this movie has it all, comedy, drama, action, sea creatures, cgi, and willem dafoe doing th greatest german guy ever put in film (besides that fucking kid in eurotrip). but yes bill murray is great, owen wilson is great, jeff ("davis, i forgot my mantra!")goldblum is also pretty good as are the rest of the secondary charaters. and those interns were great. see it.

went to future shop hoping to find harvey birdman attorney at law on dvd, alas no copies in, everything backordered and a very disappointed seb. but life goes on.

now i must go back to editing and dreaming. farewell my internet children.

my name is domino harvey. i am a booty hunter.

Mon, 09 May 2005 02:30:56 GMT

in the last 24 hours i have watched 5 movies.
they have been movies of all different types and styles. they have been good bad and obtuse.
falling fast isn't falling hard and it's not such a bad idea.
still i am weak, not sleeping as well as i'd like to be, should take a nap tomorrow but we'll see.
but now i am off to watch finding neverland.
adieu.

"i want to fall in love tonight!"

Wed, 04 May 2005 21:10:28 GMT

is it wrong to love a song with all your soul, knowing that you may never find someone else who remotely understands it the way you do?
is it disgusting to think that a movie could effect you more than your own life does?
have you ever struggled in a battle between cardinal sin and emotional damage?
if you took a placebo and were convinced it was helping you would you want someone to tell you it was fake?
if you knew where i was would you follow me to the place i was headed?
why is it that water in a bottle or a glass on the counter goes stale, but a lake or a pond stays good is it pure volume?
what makes a super gulp, super?
am i annoying yet?
could you listen to someone tell you they loved you, daily, when the contempt came through in their voice?
do you believe deceit, or accept a lie?
can you get past betrayl to see the real person that may lay behind it?
if you broke a promise and the other prson would never find out would you let yourself become filled with guilt, or just decide it asn't important?
if i was green would you love me?

i lost my gloves and found a mitten.

Tue, 03 May 2005 18:23:37 GMT

so this weekend was the most eventful few days of my life. at least in recent weeks. it's a scary time, but altogether i am happy. life is falling into place.

i wrote a poem, in my head, so in true ball form i am going to put it here.

i walk a path,
and see a shadow,
in darkness,
run away,
but where the figure,
once had stood,
there now a mitten,
lay.

not good not great just something i thought up.

laterz

sexy! sexy! sexy! update my heart, backlog my brain, downsize my thougts, backup my train.

Mon, 02 May 2005 04:54:52 GMT

okay i keep getting told that i don't update enough or that i should write in here more. so, though i have dishes to do, (sorry roommates), i will do this first.

this weekend has been fucking crazy. mylife has been flipped on it's heels this week. first i got into this horrible argument conflict piece of shit about casting and couldn't figure out what i liked. there was vi-ann and bubbletea and mmmm noodles and meat. a weel there was play writing and sleeping and moving. there have been movings and dealings and i made a new friend.

i'm trying to be as brief as possible here so as not to bore you all to death and for those that have heard already ignore.
my car is broken and i have to wait to sell it, very not cool. i missed my buddies bands playing at this house party and my entire weekend plans got changed. saying that many wonderful things came out of it. i made friends with erica, and she is probably one of the coolest people i have met in a while. i saw met because up until two days ago i didn't know her last name let alone anything else about her. now i am very intrigued to figure more and more out, if fo no other reason than we both tell really bad jokes that the other will laugh at.
hitchhikers guide rules.
spinal tap rules.
spinal tap commentary rules.
drinking rules.
mini burgers and wings rule.
pasta salad rules.
plethora rules.
JACK BLACK IS HOT!!!! (geez did i say that) YES!

umm milk chocolate mousse very good, a&w very good. sitting on park bench eating A&W like a vagrant bonus points for total coolness to everyone who was there. 1000000 in jeremiah's direction for his unique sitting arrangement. thatnks again for the help buddy.

if i didn't yet say it I GOT A NEW COUCH! everyone should come over and see it. someone should come over and help me test'r out.

i need more movies.

i love dates, the fruit not the activity, or maybe the activity not the fruit, maybe i love both?

the world is falling chicken little rules i don't care if it's animated i love that shit.

i am done
or am i?
yes.
done?
Yes, done.
fairwell.

dishtime.

the update to .... er... um....correction...2! yes 2!

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 04:30:39 GMT

okay so i feel myself become weirder and weirder everyday. when i talk with girls now i can honestly feel myself flirting as if i were a 9 year old child. struggling to find my place right now among the friends and adults in my life i feel myself slowly failing at that which i attempt and seriously setting myself up for major failure, disappointment, and overall (shit i forgot the word because i am so damn tired.). look here's the deal cause i am being way to cryptic and thats a really stupid and fucked up thing to do in a journal thats all about honesty.

lately i am worrying that i haven't put enough effort into finding a job, selling my car, maintaining friendships, and working on the play. as hard as i try at these things nothing seems to get anywhere. worrk is sapping my energy and as much as i want to change jobs, i'm not sure what else i could do. i am as it were very very confused as to what i am good at what i want to do, what i can do and whether or not i have totally screwed over some of my closest friends. i've put ads in the paper advertised at work and with a sign in my car now and yet i have only gotten three calls about the car. one guy that never called back and two guys who were just assholes who won't pay anywhere near what i need to get for the car to pay off my loan. as far as maintaining friendships go i just feel like i have abandoned the d&D crew that i am drifting away from my country buddies and that i am very much screwing things up with the people i live with by living with them. maybe i am just afraid of being alone?? who knows, i've always wanted people to like me. i am not good at thinking i am alone and yet i don't know what to think anymore. i want to work on the play everyday i sit down and look at it. read through the scenes i have written. read through the finished portion and then freak out that we are going to bomb and the only thing that i thought i was good at is something i very much can't do and that i will end up living the street a lonely wino who is nothing more than half a man (which would be a challenge for me).

a wise friend said recently that someone told him not to write about the crappy shit but the good stuff, the problem is i don't need to discuss the good stuff with any of you cause for the most part you were right there for it. it's the shitty stuff that all of you missed that is going on inside my head that i need to share with you. may be i just want attention because for some reason i see the happiness, and meaningless sex and all that around me and can't help but be jealous of it and wish even just for a second that i were perhaps someone else.

right now it feels like nothing is going right and i really just want something to change. who knew that you couldn't run away from your problems while they were attatched to you by a tow rope.

anyway i have bitched and moaned and bitched some more here's some happy news.
we did auditions yesterday and since i don't know anyone who auditioned that reads this thing i shall share the feelings i had cause why the fuck do i care anyway.

so we auditioned 4 people on thursday. first was my friend brodie who totally could do and be something i am just struggling to put him in any category and fear that his inexperience may be his downfall. he's a great guy though. after that brent's friend bobby came out and wowed me. i mean i assumed he would be good, and he was a very talented guy but i think i'll have to see him one more time as two of the characters to see which i prefer him as. hilarious, quick, well versed. after that it was jacquie who was though i'll feel bad if she reads this or someone says anything to her about it a little off her game, for obvious reasons. saying that i still couldn't feel her in the role, i wanted to. i really tried to like her, but i just don't see it. i am however very focused on being open about the whole thing and want to see her again in a more setup and centralised audition where we can hone in on exactly what we are looking for. last was meghann, who i have always seen in the role in some shape or form and actually visualise when writing the character, perhaps this is why i can't fairly judge jacquie but if so ican't fix that and i am just an ass. i really do believe meghann is the right choice though and want her to come back in a more structured audition where she can prove herself to be what we want and need. otherwise we have a bunch more auditions to do. i'd love to audition everyone but i'm not sure how well that would work. still by the end of the week i hope to have a cast and a better outlook.

anyway i better go sleep now otherwise work will suck even more than usual. wait thats not possible.

thrust booster

ps i think i just needed to vent but i am honestly okay, so don't worry about me. (i am a pity whore)

an answer to the age old question.

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 02:44:51 GMT

how many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

the answer is three. at least thats what i witnessed at work today. this world makes no sense.

i have decided the game of life blows ass. that is all for now. back to mega man.

this time i'm gonna jump.

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:59:20 GMT

okay so i'm on the roof of a building and the world doesn't make any sense. The air is blowing on my face, but i can't wake up, the fear has overtaken me. I try to scream but it's high-pitched, far beyond my vocal range, i am more scared than ever. I start to feel dizzy, still i can't wake up. I feel a tear on my cheek, reaching a hand up to wipe it away i realise it's blood. i feel it on my hand before i take it away, the warmth, the texture, it could be nothing else. And then I can smell it. It runs down my nose, and i see it welling up in the corners of my eyes. I can't move my legs, i'm crying blood and my voice is not what it should be. Suddenly, i see my hand more closely, i hadn't realised it as i pulled it away, but there was nail polish on my fingernails. Did i see a ring on my pinkie? what the fuck is going on. I reach my hand up to get a second look and it's not my hand at all. i let out a mouse like squeek. I'm not myself and I am now realising i can't move my neck either. I dart my eyes across the sky and scenery, searching for something, is it anything? i'm not sure what i'm looking for at all, but i'll know it when i find it. Eureka! i shout in my mind when i see a vision of myself in the window of a near by building, or rather the me that i've become, and it's not me. It's a girl, a girl that i recognize, in a white flower print dress. could it be, yes, i've become Erica. But what does this mean, why am i her? why can't i move my legs or my neck? Why do i cry bloody tears? Is this a dream or a nightmare? Am i subtle to the point of confusion? THUNDER! LIGHTENING! Rain. Salty hard rain, that stings as it hits my skin. Suddenly i have movement, but it's uncontrolled. I witness myself turn around and begin to run, as fast as i can. Crying harder than ever before now, with explosive sobbing all the way, i push myself harder now to reach top speed, my feet are bare and the ground is wet and rough. Through the blood in my eyes i see the edge of the building i am on. As i approach it i use all my will to stop, but my body is being controlled by external forces and i am hurled over the edge. Almost flying at first i am at ease for second. And then i plummet towards a gray earthen matter, cement, spinning and screaming, bleeding and hurting, i fall, faster than a speeding bullet flys. As I fall I scream out, but the air is pushed back into my lungs by the speed i choke, and the sound is thrown back into my gut, shocking my stomach and insides. i am choking and crying, and the fall is so fast, the wind cuts my face as i reach the ground, i wake up. sweating.

all this happened in a dream i had last night that ended around 3:40am. needless to say i was beyond petrified by this, but since i have seen just about everyone i know die in a dream i got a glass of water and went back to bed. i didn't dream again last night, that i can remember, but when erica came by the house today it freaked me out a little. Then again i knew she was coming so i shouldn't have been scared at all. Still, it's not the first dream i've had that resembled a bad japanese cartoon and invloved someone that don't know very well.

still very weird all the same.

okay, i'm done. the play needs my attention.

anybody else have any weird dreams lately?

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:35:55 GMT

If You Ruled the World: by oomarilynmonroe
Username
national religion
Type of Government
How you take over
You would name it
You would overthrow	ktwilight
Your second in command would be	rufus_says
Your sex slave is	sink_or_swim_
Commander of the military:	riskthis
Put to death for insubordination	love_monster
Figure head in the puppet government	ooknabah
You are overthrown by	lowlyanglaphone

Quiz created with MemeGen!

this worked out fairly well!

home alone, without the robbers and the antics? boring as fucking hell.

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 04:26:15 GMT

okay so it's me and it's saturday night and maybe i should have made plans to go out, but i didn't it wasn't on my list of things to do and since i got none of those things done anyway it was a hopeless cause still, i was disappointed enough to be missing the weakerthans tonight and now i get home to hear faintly from the downstairs, could it be, yes the weakerthans, in my basement, playing? it couldn't be them could it, no no erinn and miah just left a cd playing to torture me just a little more. and yet, being alone in this big old house without the weakerthans and the cheering shouting fans, in le rendez vous, i wonder to myself could it have been any different. or would i be just as lonely at the concert if i had gone? "dying embers of another day, tell me what it is i want to say." okay so enough of this. time to bitch about stuff. work again today was a hell hole, i really need to go somewhere that i am not the only intelligent worker, i could even be the dumb guy noone likes as long as i'm not counted on to do everything anymore, i waste so much time there get little recognition for my efforts and do twice the work of everyone (housekeepers aside 'cause they are an honest god send). but okay so i'm getting to the point where i just might explode.

mystery time.
so i left today and only miah was home. i had watched tv and been on the computer but not really don much, and certainly did use the phone. yet when i returned the cordless telephone was there, laying on my bed, as if it had been used there, perhaps just a liberal toss from the door way and yet, far to in position to have just been tossed there. whatever does this mean? roommates i ask you for answers.

so anyway, i think i'll eat and then go to bed.

the summer of content.

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 20:28:09 GMT

for those of you not versed in the life of seb i now live in what i like to call "the house" and what is also affectionately called "the party house". If you don't know where i am talking about you must be an out of the loop jerk, so too bad. kidding of course, i live with erinn and miah and colin and joel. yay for living with people. and i know a chunk of you read this so it's gonna sound like i'm brown nosing or at least being a really gushy who needs um roommate but honestly i haven't been as happy as i am, living with you guys, for a long time. maybe it's just the idea that i'm not spending my time alone anymore or the idea that i am actually being productive but i am totally having a blast. but enough of ego boosting right? the job search continues and if nothing else comes along i will take the job they so want to give me at money mart. the play has evolved and we are doing casting interviews and readings this week and next week as long as brent and i can sort out our schedules. if any of you is interested, i'm sure we could here you do a reading if you can comply to our scheduling demands. be of course aware that we are mostly meeting with people who fit a character type and though we may like you and you may be our friend we can't necessarily justify using you for a role that you don't fit into as well as someone else. but this is alll trivial bullshit isn't it. the true thing we have to examine is the use of profanity in our play. we hav a laguage warning and if something doesn't happen where a character swears i am going to write a fuck monologue. for your reading pleasure here is a taste of that possible monologue.

"brian, the world is a fucked up place full of sad fucking people, their lives are just one big waste of fucking time. but you can't take all the fucking happiness you once had and think that you can make a fan-fucking-tastic ball of hapiness that can be given to everyone who is sad. if someone is fucked up let them be fucked up. if someone has a fucking problem leave them the fuck alone don't fuck with the undesirable take your life and make a fucking choice. choose to be less of a fuckhead and just breathe the fucking air and smell the fucking roses."

thats just a taste of the greatness that will take you over if brent doesn't start adhering to the language warning specifications. i mean don't you think a language warning should be there as a warning and not just some lie that we've made up to draw in the idiots who only see plays with the word fuck.

the rant is over. the world is done, check you later homies.

get seb back to WORK!

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 15:49:08 GMT

okay. so brent had a contest. well i'm having a crisis. it appears that i know have a job interview with money mart. okay cool, no problems there. except that it's the same kind of crazy hours job i've had for a long time and i really wanted to take this opportunity not to have to work like that anymore. but what am i really complaining about, the fact that something goes wrong everytime i plan to find a job. yes. i just want a no hassle simple job, no more moving up no more responsibility, just a job where i show up, sell something and then go home or go out in the evening. no more waking up at the crack of dawn. no more working until the crack of dawn just simple times simple job doing something i don't hate for employers i don't hate. could that be possible, not fucking likely. so get seb back to work. help seb stop being so picky and find a job he can actually do without the homicidal feelings. your challenge is to help me stop being such a whiner and just do something.

in other news i have leads on selling the car it's gonna get fixed next week and i have cold pizza for lunch today. we hired another new chick at the hotel yesterday and like the rest of the people paul hires i already don't like her. the guy needs to stop hiring idiots, junkies, and losers and start hiring people who won't fuck everything up. but i'm leaving so who cares right.

so im still scrabble champ. no challenges for the title yet though i would assume this weekend and next week i will get many. but for now. i am the best, though i still need to beat miah to officially become best in the house, damn you JEREMIAH (insert last name here).

UM yeah otherwise same old same old. catch you later

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 03:47:40 GMT

the rat in my brain is gnawing at my memories. he's forgotten about the wheel i created for him, he doesn't eat the mountains of cheese that i've designed, or drink from the water i've provided. oh no he is and always will be a trouble maker trying to redesign the way that i think. and so he has entered my memory banks to make me think that my play had a narratorial monologues, urgin me to write them in, so it has come to be that io am rewriting some of the original scenes, something brent won't be happy about since he just wants me to finish, i swear to you brent i am working and i'm trying as hard as i can, the ideas are just so compelling.

brent: excuses, excuses! you really need to ge tdown to work, send me something finished.

me: (in an excuse-atory tone) ummm, yeah i'll send you some when i finish typing it up.

look it's not that i didn't want to type or that i haven't typed anything, i just can't seem, to type without changing things more, and more, and more, and i've done too many changes already, maybe i should hire a typist ya think? but yes, the play that is to be my undoing, the dialogue the bullet that pierces my heart, leaving me to gasp for air, my final breathe the words "what next".
how could it be that i'm working so hard and getting nowhere, could it be that i am letting other things get in my way, perhaps i am trying to stop the horse from charging the gates for fear i make it through and have to save the princess.

am i whining, have i come this far, is this what i've become a whiner, it can be, somebody else has that job and he does it really well, i am the excuser, that's it the excuser the man who never does what he needs to because he always has something else come up.

by the way this is the point where most of you are begging for an LJ cut, well screw you, read every freeaking word i have to stay right here and now, and, shove your stupid space saving shit, i don't care for it.

wow was that rage? LJ rage, the newest way to get off on a murder charge.

it's only been a day but knowing erinn and miah aren't around for me to cut in on kind of sucks. i miss my unscheduled mid day visits. surely one week without them is something i can survive, right, damn you new friends, leaving just when a schedule was being created, surely we can come to some sort of agreement, you know, you guys never go away and i get just what i want. i like it, edgy, self serving, it's perfect.

alright so by now i should shut up, but why would i. could it be i am just killing tiome cause i fucked up my plans today. could it be i missed the opportunity to meet the "lonely perfect for me girl" could it be that i was just wishing someone i actually wanted to meet was gonna be there instead of some mystery girl, perhaps i'm too picky (no girlfriend in 4 years) but should i really be at the point of a blind semi-date, i mean really, i just turned 21 i'm not that desperate yet am i?? fuck i am and i missed it, shit damn fuck, maybe she called and left a message, maybe i should call, maybe i should forget it. ahhh,

is it possible i'm becoming neurotic, do i watch too much woody allen, did i buy annie hall and watch it too many times and become woody allen, i hope not, i mean the film genius of that movie i'd love to have, but the annoying habits and hackneyed style that is woody, fuck, i hope not.

so anyway lj readers i have put you through enough of my no cuts too many sentences crazy shit. so i shall go.

remember me!

a cry for help

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 19:03:42 GMT

so this whole seb gets life together thing, is slowly progressing i finally found out how much i owe on the car, so now i'm gonna go out and get a mechanic to give her a good look over (mostly jusy the brakes and tires) before i put her up! if anyone knows anyone who's looking for a sedan, i'd be happy to speak with them, i'm asking 16,000$ but only because i can, haggling can happen and perhaps things can work out. i am still looking for employment here in the "big" city, at least employment that isn't my "wonderful" job. which of course is another area that any of you can mention to people that might be hiring.

i could honestly use all of your help, so think about it.

in other news seb's birthday thus far very cool. i can't believe i'm this old, my family didn't really get me anything yet, but they did take me out for dinner took me shopping to see if we could find anything i wanted, if only i wasn't so picky. by the by, i have made no plans for birthday fun however i work will 11pm tonight so if anyone wants to party it up after that i am up for just about anything. this is me saying, i am hopeless when it comes to making plans for myself so please somebody else do it.

this isn't write

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 22:49:14 GMT

so i'm standing there on the corner with a bag full of groceries and a postcard written to my girl, and the world flies by with out a word just the sound of all my dreams, crushed under a bus, i scream and throw a fit, spill my apples and milk on the pavement, such a shiney puddle of disappointment and despair, i wonder where i might go, to buy some more at this hour. then i bite my tongue, lick my lips and fall asleep, just thinking of her, nothing write, nothing fun, this just isn't write, but i can't find my love. so i run down the halls of an empty school at three smashing the windows and doors, the pencils fall and shatter the pen's ink on my shirt, can't write without my thoughts, can't dream without imaginations lead. then i bite my tongue and lick my lip and fall asleep again, think of her it just ain't write, but i can't find my love. poem's song, lost this fight, and this love just ain't write, miss my self and cold dark night, and nothing is alright, it's not all right, it's not write, it's how i write. i'm right!

so after that distraction i come to reveal that my boredom commands me, as i know my friends are meeting to go out and have fun i settle in for a night of paper writing and lonliness. but thats just me being a pity whore. so anyway, almost done my year, only three papers, two exams and a test to go. yay me.

by the by it's my birthday this week i'm thinking a night at club st b or maybe some other bar perhaps you folks could come out my way? some plan needs to be made for late night fri and/or sat next weekend.

maybe just a house party starting after i finish work?
let's discuss